i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
