i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
