he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
