Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
