last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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