Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
