I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
