I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This is classic penis vs brain.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
