note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize