do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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