why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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