He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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