New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
