dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
