my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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