I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
