God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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