Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
