At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
