bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
