i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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