Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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