goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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