dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
