Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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