just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
