And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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