he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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