Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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