Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
