Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
