i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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