Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
no you cant smoke seaweed
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
