called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
