Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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