Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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