Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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