how can u be prego again
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize