I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize