mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
