So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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