either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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