Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
