Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
