It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
