I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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