i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
