I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
