Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
