I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
