what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
