Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
