dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize