what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
