trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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