I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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