i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
