Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
