Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
