my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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