so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize