we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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