just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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