Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
