nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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