The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
