it wasn't lemon gatorade
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
