Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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