Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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