i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
