Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize