When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
