i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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