Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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