You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
