I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Randomize
