Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
