the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
