did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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